I read a book

I found it among (ತ⁠_⁠ʖ⁠ತ) a box of books I needed to put away for my mom's work (where I'm volunteering over the summer). What intrigued me initially was the simple plain blue cover. It wasn't trying to stand out. So I picked it up and before filing it away I flipped to a random page. That page happened to be #52. That page and the following chapter were nothing particularly special; they presented no groundbreaking arguments or insights of any kind. By all reason, I should have put up that book immediately. So that's exactly what I did.

But the book did not leave my mind. For some irritating reason it stuck nagging at me. Until finally I convinced myself to dig it out and bring it home. And then I read it, as one sometimes does with books. I quickly discovered a few things. One, it was old. The last time it had been checked out before being donated to my mother's work was 1977, and the earliest dates 1966. 

I finished reading it in two days, it took me longer than it should have because the power is out around here so I had extra responsibilities for the time. The book was fascinating. I really find it extremely interesting how strongly some people believe in Christ. Nothing like the bullshit faith (no other word to describe them) that is in the churches I grew up in and the Christians I know. "When one is full of grace, he cannot help but to confess Christ to man."

I don't really know what I'm saying, or what point I'm getting at. I guess all there is to say is this: I really wish I could believe in God, but I don't think belief is really a choice. I cannot will myself to believe in unicorns and the same goes for God.

It's also 12:22 am and I really should get to bed. I'll get back to thinking later.

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